Alone | silver01ta's Blog

This weekend there was a big "celebration" for my dad.

Aside from the poor planning of the whole event, it just didnt go well at all. One of the good things was that my uncle came from chicago. I had a good chat with him, and he always puts me in a good mood.

Essentially everytime I go home, I get to hear about how I need to do this or do that and how I've wasted my life and so on. Well I didnt get this, this time. What I got was more isolation. Everyone had a major part in my Dad's celebration. I was given the assignment of clean up and trash duty whilst everyone else was given assignments for speeches and such. That kind of stung me a tad bit, but I didnt mind seeing as how I am always treated like an outsider in my own family. Once everyone gets together, I essentially do not exist anymore.

I am a little irritated with my older brother. He apparently gave a heart felt speech about my Dad. He told everyone he made it up on the spot. I found it quite interesting that more than half of it were things that I always said about my father. It didnt irritate me that my brother got to give the speech using my thoughts. I guess it irritated me more that he claimed that those were his thoughts on my father. Its funny though, he used some of the EXACT phrases that I would tell him when we would talk about Dad.

I guess this trip down to Dallas didnt make me feel like complete crap. It just made me feel worthless in the eyes of my family. I got to spend time with my little sister and we had a good time. But other than that, this weekend reassured me that I have no place in my own family. Well I do have a place, its called, sanitation duty. Well I guess since I am treated like garbage, I might as well be given charge of it seeing as how I am so familiar with it.